Change is always hard.
We have to let go of what’s familiar and move into unknowns. We have to be ready to be in a learning curve, ready to make mistakes, and ready to feel a bit inept.
But we usually have a choice about when and how much we want to allow change. Sometimes we’re stuck and can’t change, but that still has been a matter of you tackling it when and how you decide to.
But what about right now in our world? Right now, as I write this, we are in a global pandemic with the COVID-19 crisis.
It has changed just about everything we knew before it showed up. Hugs and handshakes, grabbing something casually from the grocery store, going to work, eating at your favorite restaurant, and the list goes on….
Now we are being forced to change. No longer a choice. We have to learn to work from home, do school at home, visit with friends from home, etc. And this can really spin your kaleidoscope of feelings -- sometimes landing on scared, sometimes angry, often grieving, at times stirring up old trauma.
Your feelings will come in waves or come and stay, but ultimately, you need to figure out how you’ll adjust and adapt to this forced change. You’re being challenged to step out of your comfort zone.
Here are a few ideas to help when you’re anxious about disruption and change:
Attend to your feelings
This isn’t a time to chase your feelings away or minimize them. You will have many emotions right now about what’s going on in the world around you, your own life, and the changes and losses you’re confronted with.
Listen to yourself, recognize what you are feeling, and give yourself time, space, and compassion for these emotions. They are a NORMAL human reaction to the extraordinary circumstances in which your find yourself now.
Calm your body
When your emotions are heightened, your body and nervous systems are also buzzing. You could be feeling saturated or flooded with thoughts and emotions. Perhaps you’re bordering on rage, panic, or even numbing and shutting down.
This is a time to help yourself regulate your body and calm your nervous system. To feel well and safe in your life, you need to do this for sure. And, right now, when you’re forced to adapt and change, you can’t ask much of yourself until you’ve found a way to calm your mind and body.
Start with slow, deep diaphragmatic breaths (push your belly out when inhaling while keeping your chest relatively still). This might be hard if you’re heart rate is high and you are highly anxious. Walk around the room a bit while you begin slowing and deepening your breathing.
Ground and stabilize yourself. Sometimes heightened feelings can leave you feeling like your floating or spiraling and grounding can help. Feel your feet on the floor, your bottom in your seat, put your hands on your legs and feel the concreteness of yourself in the room.
Take a look around you and name things you see in the room. Consider all your senses and name what you are noticing through those senses. This helps you be present right now, body and mind.
Shift your mindset
Now that you have given space for your emotions and regulated your nervous system, you can begin to take a look at what your thoughts are doing through this time.
There’s no doubt that to take on the new ways of operating right now, we need to accept that there will be new things to learn and we will be functioning in a way that initially feels unfamiliar or like a compromise to how we normally operate.
These are new challenges and opportunities to grow. When you find yourself resisting, or feeling afraid, or grieving what is no longer an option, remind yourself that this is a time of discovery and growth.
Amid the feelings of loss, there can also be new possibilities.
But what if you’re stuck?
Sometimes, even if you’ve done all you can to adapt to change, you may feel stuck. You may have the intention and desire to change and adapt, but you just can’t seem to take the action.
It will help to explore what it means for you to make a change. If you sit with this question for yourself and see what comes up, at first you may have some conscious, expected responses.
Then with a bit more time and reflection, you may also notice memories, family attitudes around change, your personal attitudes, fears, excitement, issues with deserving, worries about your capacity to really change, hope, safety to hope……….
You name it, there can be A LOT of meanings.
If you’ve been resisting change and having to learn new ways to operate please remember this:
Following through and succeeding with change isn't always about logic, willpower, or the right plan. There's a powerful force at work and that's our unconscious, gut-level, reaction to allowing change.
What could be getting in your way?
This is a huge question! Give yourself time to dig deep and see what you find -- Old stuff? Things you learned along the way? Core beliefs about yourself? Fears about whether you can maintain the changes? Worries that other people will be critical or not like you if you're doing well?
You got this!
Ultimately, you will change and adapt because that’s what needs to happen. It may not be 100%, it may not be pretty, it may come with tears or anger. But, it will be unique to you. How you do it, how you pace yourself, and how you care for yourself in the process is what you do have a choice about.
If you need any support or guidance through this crisis or at any point, please contact me. I would love to help. Just click the “Get Started Now” button below or call me at 626-836-2023.
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